LXXXXII. This place has no soul

24. ledna 2017 v 23:34
I gotta write this so that I don't cry. Because we're having a very shitty conversation with who's supposed to be my ex and I cannot handle anymore answering to this immature shit. Jsme fakt dobří v dělání jakože nic, ale hádej co. Ono opravdu nic.

Nothing special. I can fall in and out of love quite easily. Effortlessly actually, for the first part. But sometimes we just hurt each other so much that it has no point in going any further. Our paths have to separate so that I don't bruise you and stop hating myself. I am really fucking confused. My mind says one thing, but even I know that it's not always true. Anyways, people want to get everything out of me. Kate is freaking out because of my arrogant face and manners and well I'm sorry but you cannot shape me. I respect you in some ways, please respect me back.

Image de stress, nature, and green

And so that. I found an old message. Relatively old - from that time when I was laying in M.'s arms. I know it's completely ok to do this once (or a million times) again, but I am scared. I've seen how easily people leave and give up - D. and now Kate.. I don't want this. I won't let any of them hurt myself, cause, you know, I'm already doing a pretty good job.

While I don't think my smile is fake. To be honest I'm not even sure how to tell it apart. Am I smiling? Well, then I am probably okay. I wouldn't manage if I wasn't.. please don't check on me, please don't even try to analyse.

Tomorrow I'll have a new haircut and maybe it will slow those tears down.

your soul is rooting for you*

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